Aaaccckkkk!

I know it's been a while since I've posted on this blog. I've tried to keep my feelings under wraps. I don't know why. Really, this is the whole point of this particular blog.

My mother. What a piece of work. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the woman. I do. But she is not a normal, loving, normal, "let's talk about it" kind of person.

She will sit and STEW about whatever little wrong-doing she thinks she has undergone until the cows come home. Truly. I am still listening to stories of how she was "done wrong" 50 or 60 years ago. I'm used to it. Been going on my whole life. But it's only been the last 5 or 6 years that it has been pointed at me. Because I'm the only one of two actively in her life.

But I have been there for her my whole life, and really, the last 5 years I have been her chauffer, her companion, her confidant, and her friend. There have been times when, after I told her Hubby and I were hitting the road, she acted like she was happy for me, just to come back later and throw it all in my face. I understand. She was hurt that I would dare have a life of my own. Okay, maybe that is an overstatement, although that is how it felt. She was hurt that I would leave, albeit, make sure she was tucked in nicely in a place where she wouldn't have to worry about a thing.

So, she is pissed at me again. Yes, we've been talking about assisted living for her because she has fallen a couple of times, has worsening breathing problems, and needs more help than the independent living arrangement where she is. She has told me she needs more assistance. I'm trying. Setting up viewings of assisted living apartments, talking to the management, and talking to her financial people. Because she doesn't remember the whys and wherefores of things these days, everything gets all out of whack.

You know, I realize that she is 87 years old, and her mindset changes from day to day, and what she considers to be a slight is only me trying to take a breath for a day. God help me.

No, no, I'll be nice. I'll still go up there tomorrow and help her in whatever way I can. Man, for tonight...I am so frustrated!!!