Saturday, April 25, 2009

Second Son

I have a son that won't talk. I mean, he talks, but not about anything but surface stuff. He has few opinions, few friends, and only goes to school and work. Occasionally, he'll meet up with a guy he used to work with and have a beer, but that's it.

I know it's his personality to be quiet, an introvert. I understand that. I've seen him angry, but never standing up for himself. However, thinking back, I can only think of one time that he actually broke down and said what was on his mind.

It was Christmas time, and all three kids were here visiting. First son, whom we've had struggles with, was sharing that he felt worthless, ashamed of the trouble he's put us through. The whole family, except second son, was trying to tell him how much we loved him and believed that he could pull himself together to lead a good and rewarding life. There were tears, and love, and hope that it was a sign of new beginnings.

At the end of the evening, first son, daughter, and Hubby drove Grammie home. While they were gone, second son broke down. "Why is it always about him?" "He's screwed up so many times, and still everyone falls all over him." "What about me?"

Isn't that the way it happens all too often. Even inappropriate behavior gets the attention, good or bad, and the kid that is doing what he's supposed to be doing gets so much less attention because everyone is so wrung out after dealing with the kid causing so much trouble.

All I could do is tell him how sorry I am, and try to explain to him how much I love him, and he's right, it is not fair. It was the first time since he's been an adult that he's let me hold him.

We've spent quite a bit of time in therapy as a family. We should have had this all figured out years ago. There seems to be so much anger. Does it go back to divorce? Maybe. Probably? I'm still not sure. Nobody's talking. It's the elephant in the room.

I can't get either son to open up and talk about it. So here's what I'm thinking. After spending time writing on One Minute Writer and Pictures, Poetry, and Prose, I see how a picture can pull words out of me that I didn't know were in there. I thought I would try to get all three kids to join me in our own storytelling. I don't know that any of them will want to take any great amount of time doing it, but maybe the one minute aspect will open them up to it. Wish me luck!